Sick Momma, But Healthy Baby

I went to the doctor again today. Still no word on the gender of our little peanut. I found out though that I am a bit anemic and my thyroid meds need adjusting again. I have to say that I am thoroughly exhausted. This pregnancy has definitely been harder than my previous ones. I have to just try to get through each day at this point.

I know I am fortunate that my baby is healthy and at least I am not having any complications in that area. I am thankful for this and don't want to complain. Another good thing is that I am not getting depressed over all this. Being prone to depressive episodes and long bouts of it as well, I cannot thank Jehovah enough for being such a Rock and support while I am going through all of this. I know that without my God, I would not be in such relatively good spirits. I can pray to Him and receive some emotional comfort, even if physically I am a wreck.

Well, just 20 more weeks until we get to meet this little monkey. I can't wait for that day to arrive.

He Was Mine by Libby Carswell

This poem is one I wrote about my son's birth:

He Was Mine

Warm November rolled in with rain.
Lying awake, up and down,
I just wanted to sleep
Then—POP!
I sprang from my bed with the burst balloon in my belly.
Through the window of the car my eyes followed the street lights.
Streaks of light and shadows dizzied me.
Churning stomach told me to vomit.
Hours of nothing…weak stretching and constricting brought nothing.
The drip---drip---drip…medicine to make them stronger.
They’ll rip me in two, I know that they will.
Started in the center of my back…
Then crept, then raced in circles over and over again
They refused with to stop; with vengeance they tore.
Inhale-1-2-3-4-5---Aaaggghhhh…again…Inhale-1-2-3-4-
I can’t. I can’t. Tears crept from eyes shut tight.
…make it stop!...Oh, God make it stop!
I cried, I wept, I begged for the end
Then, he came.
Little white waxy splotches on his skin. He was so red!
He squalled so beautifully.
He was here.
He was more gorgeous than anything I’d ever seen.
He was mine.
Divine and perfect…so big, but oh so small.
Wrapped up tight and put to my breast…he was mine.
Yes, and divine.

Can I Be Unpregnant Now?

There are days now that I wish that this pregnancy would hurry up and come to a close. The last couple of months have been a roller coaster of not just emotions and hormones...but morning sickness-coupled with allergies, a lingering sinus infection and migraines. I usually wake up between 2 and 4am to use the restroom and then I have a difficult time getting back to sleep. My alarm goes off at 6:30am to get the kids ready for school, and it is often likely that I haven't even been back to sleep for 30-45 minutes when it goes off.

Once they are off to the wonderful world of learning, I am either dragging myself to school or back to the house to go back to bed. This makes for tiring days, especially on the ones where I have my work class. I usually am physically spent by 2pm most days and am struggling to manage my homework and my housework.

I know it sounds as though I am complaining, but really I am just telling it like it is. Honestly, the part that keeps me remembering that all of this is only temporary is what helps me get through each day. There are now only 21 more weeks, give or take a few days, until I get to meet this little person who has taken over my body. It is funny how we women tend to forget what each pregnancy was really like, until we do it again. Then the memories of throwing up at 2am and needing to sleep all the time come flooding back. The question I ask now is: Can I please be unpregnant now? Yeah, I know that isn't gonna happen for a while...but at least I can dream about the days to come. I know that labor really starts at the moment of conception. This whole business of growing a human being is hard work and it is only rewarded when those baby-bird eyes are looking up at me telling me that I did good and that now baby is hungry!